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My husband’s away this weekend (the recently vegan husband, the only one I’ve got), and I’m getting together with friends.  I thought I’d contribute dessert, and the thought of making some bizarr-o concoction full of whole wheat flour, applesauce, and canola oil just didn’t cut it for me.  So if vegan hubby Joe’s not going to be at the get-together, why not make a big, fat, decadent chocolate cake?  I’ve got a dynamite recipe that’s so good and moist, it doesn’t even need frosting.  I usually bake it in a tube pan because of that, but feel free to divide the batter in three 8-9 inch round pans or make cupcakes (yield will be around 30) out of it.  Just be sure to reduce the baking time to approximately 15 minutes for round cakes, and around twelve minutes for cupcakes.

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.  Grease and flour your choice of pan.  Cream two sticks of softened butter with 2 cups of sugar for five minutes on medium speed in a stand mixer.  If you haven’t got a stand mixer, poor you.  Meanwhile, sift together 2 and a 1/4 cups of all-purpose flour, 2 teaspoons baking soda, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder and 1/2 teaspoon salt.  Set aside.  Boil 3/4 cup of water and pour it over 3/4 cup of GOOD cocoa powder in a small bowl and whisk.  Pour a cup of buttermilk into the cocoa mixture and whisk again.  In the mixer bowl, with the beater still running and the speed on low, add four eggs, one at a time.  Stop the mixer, scrape down the sides of the bowl, and start’er up again on low.  Add the flour mixture alternately with the cocoa mixture in four increments.  Stop the mixer and scrape down the bowl once or twice.  Take care not to overmix the batter, just mix it until everything is incorporated and the streaks of flour are gone.  Scrape the batter into your prepared pan, spread it evenly, and bang it firmly on your counter a couple of times to express any air bubbles.  If you’re using a tube pan like me, bake the cake for approximately 35-40 minutes, testing for doneness with a toothpick.  Cool for 15 minutes in the pan, then remove the cake from the pan by inverting it on a rack and cool it completely.  Frost, glaze, or dust with confectioner’s sugar as you desire.  

Well, I’m going to sign off and go figure out how I’m going to glaze this cake for the party tomorrow.  I CAN’T WAIT to have a piece of it!  I don’t know how I’m going to last.

As I embark toward the culinary frontier of veganism at home, I’ve recently tried several meat and dairy substitutes.  I never thought I’d be doing such a thing, but I’m trying to keep an open mind about it.  The most surprising thing about meat substitutes is their variety.  I had no idea there were so MANY of them!

The early frontrunner for Most Like the Real Thing is Quorn Chik’n.  A bizarre name, to be sure, that is made even more bizarre by the use of an apostrophe.  There is a lot of creative punctuation in the brand names of fake meat.  I’m postulating that the manufacturers of this kind of stuff are making up for the lack of real meat with punctuation, hoping that the whimsical nature of it will distract the eater from savoring the foodstuff too deeply.

Anyway, it was much to my un-surprise that this Quorn Chik’n is the most realistic because it contains ANIMAL protein in the form of egg whites.  Oops, I should have read the label more carefully before I bought it.  So Quorn is not a vegan product, but definitely legal for the vegetarian.  I wouldn’t attempt anything crazy with it, but it bakes up fine in the oven, and I’m even thinking about making a pot pie with it. 

Quorn is, essentially, mycoprotein, a prolific fungus that will literally grow for MILES if unchecked… a giant underground mushroom colony, if you will.  The texture is remarkably accurate for coming close to the feeling of meat in your mouth, and the flavor is vaguely garlicky and savory/sweet.  It’s okay!

Second-runner up for taste/flavor accuracy is Tofurky Hickory Smoked Deli Slices.  My dog came running when I opened the package to make a sandwich for my husband, which was a good sign.  The dog spat out the vegan cheese I opened at the same time, though.  I had to taste it immediately for myself, and I concurred with Buddy (the dog, not my husband).  I’m not looking to be libelous, so I won’t harsh on the brand of “cheese” right now, but it was beyond bizarre…grainy, yet flexible and sticky.  Early samples are revealing that for fake cheese to be even remotely palatable, it must contain casein (a milk protein, see previous post), thus rendering it merely vegetarian, not vegan.

Third runner up is Gimme Lean Smart Ground Crumbles.  The texture is right on the money, but the flavor is slightly off the mark.  I would not eat this stuff unadorned unless I was having a craving for mulch.  But with plenty of veggies and gravy, it was a-okay.  I made a shepherd’s pie with it.  I made the gravy out of vegetable broth, paprika, garlic, and arrowroot, which was alright, too. 

I’m approaching this vegan-cooking-at-home thing as a challenge to somehow maintain all the comfy familiarity of regular meals.  I’m hitting the mark sometimes, sometimes falling short.  I’ve got to keep trying, though, because I flatly refuse to conscript myself to a future full of nothing but brown rice and carrots.  Now THAT would put me over the edge.