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If ever I should fail at my lofty goal of snail farming, I’m thinking that a fun and lucrative enterprise might be a gourmet hot dog place.  When I say gourmet, I’m not fooling.  My idea is to make EVERYTHING the place sells from scratch.

Sound ambitious?  Well, I suppose it is.  But when I think of the peculiar culinary skill set I’ve had the chance to develop, it’s really not so crazy an idea.  If you look at my past blogs, you’ll see I already know how to make sauerkraut.  And my chili recipe is rockin’, if I may say so.  I also know how to bake bread, so we’re good on the buns as well. 

You may be saying to yourself, “What about the ketchup and mustard, smarty pants?”  It’s true I’ve never tried to make ketchup at home, but Jeffrey Steingarten gives detailed instructions in one of his books.  That should do, because he wouldn’t have published the recipe if it sucked.  As far as mustard goes, that’s a snap, but the key to it would be making a mustard that’s both unique and accessible to the palate of the average hot dog eater.  Onions?  I’ll grow them, or at least buy local and/or organic ones.  Relish?  I’ll put up the pickles myself and take it from there.

Last but not least, lurks the main matter, the hot dog itself.  I believe with perseverance, excellent equipment, and the best locally-raised pork that money can buy, I could make outrageously good hot dogs.  Oh, and I’d probably need a little smokehouse built, too, to give the dogs some extra nuance.  I happen to know of a farmer in my area that sells butchered hogs that are quite literally the best I’ve ever tasted.  Maybe he has the facility to pre-smoke the meat for me!

I’m getting very excited about my idea.  The snails might have to wait.  They’re good at that, though.  They’re never in a rush for anything.