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I was recently twice miffed while eating out.  On the first occasion, my husband and I had gone out to dinner at a local pub.  I ordered a rib-eye steak sandwich and he had the jambalaya.  Two weeks after that occasion, I ordered a delmonico steak entree special at a local cafe.  Not only was the cut not a true delmonico, but it was spoiled AND cooked to well when I had ordered it medium rare.  Nasty.

My sandwich at the pub was adequate, but the jambalaya was a bizarre concoction.  Let’s just say it was not the hearty soup/stew you’d expect, it clearly lacked a roux, it was EXCRUCIATINGLY spicy, and there were mushrooms in it. Lots of them.

We’ve eaten at the pub before, and while the food’s never been terrible, it’s rarely been outstanding.  What galls me about this jambalaya is that clearly the cook did not have the ingredients and/or the skill to execute even a reasonable version of this dish.  Instead of asking our server to have my husband choose something else, he/she just took a half-baked stab.

And then there was the truly awful delmonico which was beyond excuse on many levels.  The cook must have reached blindly into the fridge, had a terrible blocked nose, and no conscience, all at once.  Why do kitchens do these things?  WHY? 

It’s beyond me, really.  I know on the occasions my workplace cannot accomodate an order, we tell the customer as soon as possible.  Yeah, sure there are the random and rare nutjobs that react angrily, but the operative word is “rare.”   Restaurants, good ones that care, tell customers the simple truth when they can’t fill an order properly.  It’s not rocket science. 

I’d like to let y’all know the end result of the smoked salmon napoleon idea I had a while back.  It’s easy and outrageously delicious.  Plus, you can bake the puff pastry way ahead of time and store it in an airtight container.  You can then assemble the napoloeons on an as-needed basis if you’re using them as an hors d’oeuvre.

Thaw your puff pastry and cut it into one-inch strips.  Bake according to package directions.  Cool completely.  Whip together 4 oz. softened cream cheese and one pint of sour cream, season with white pepper, salt and some minced fresh dill.  VERY thinly slice a seedless cucmber.  Snip or mince some fresh chives.  Open your packages of smoked salmon.  Load the sour cream mixture into a piping bag with a fat star tip.  On each puff pastry strip, lightly pipe on the sour cream using a counter clockwise swirl, being sure to leave room at both ends of the strip.  Top with a piece of smoked salmon and two slices of cucumber.  Repeat, and end with another strip of puff pastry.  Garnish with remaining cucumbers, dill, and chives.  It’s nice to make one cut on a cucmber slice from the center to the edge so that it can be sat atop each napoleon, giving it some vertical interest.  And snip your chives on an angle. And leave some of your dill in sprigs for garnishing.  Who says cooking at home always has to look like home cooking?

FYI, if you take a moment to look at your plate in nicer restaurants, you’ll see that the majority of garnishing techniques are easy to mimic.  Check it out and see what you can use for entertaining at home.

Shopping at Target today I noticed the word “toffee” jumping out at me from labels, on everything from cookies to coffee to boots.  Yes, boots.  I guess toffee is officially a color now, and will bury in our consciousness, just as we’ve managed to accept camel and spruce as colors, divorced from their origins.  Why is that the word “toffee” is everywhere, but real toffee itself isn’t?  Sure you can find it if you look, but it’s much easier to find toffee-flavored things than toffee proper.

The real toffee, the crunchy squares of butter-sugar candy, is rarely to be found these days.  Well-made toffee is a marvel, hard yet smooth and light.  It can be bitten in two without much effort (as long as enough air has been incorporated) and chewed up swiftly.  Or if you desire, it can be savored slowly and dissolved in the mouth like a hard cardy.  You’ve probably eaten a Heath candy bar at some point in your life, and while they’re pretty good, they’re liking eating a slate tile compared to handmade toffee.

This holiday season I’ve decided to try my hand at homemade toffee.  I think I’ll try to flavor it with maple and pecans chopped to dust.   I’ll be researching methods and recipes, and hopefully I won’t inflict any candy-making burns on myself.  Have you ever had a candy burn?  It’s the worst.  Boiling sugar is hotter than boiling oil.